Dating & Stuff After 30 Be Like...

Wildya
May 12
8 min read

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Ok so let’s talk about it…

Dating after 30 be like…

Well I should say, Disciple of Christ dating after 30 be like…

So I’m after 30, years old and I’m a Disciple of Christ, so the dating stuff is just giving question marks for me.

But what are you talking about cousin? Right, so let’s talk about it in cousin’s corner, which is basically a corner where we have family talks, because you know, we cousins…we family.

Where should we start, so…several years ago I told the Lord I wanted to date intentionally and no longer date just to date. What that meant for me, was I was no longer going to be entertaining men or BOYS who I knew very well I had no intention on marrying or had no intention on marrying me. I was no longer going to date men just for the sake of having someone or just to fill a void or fill the space, you know what space I’m talking about. But before I made this conscious decision to date with intention, I used to ask God, “Just give me a bone to chew on since the meal is not ready yet” or “Just give me an appetizer, since the meal is taking sooo long”…then after doing that nonsense for few years I realized it was literally a waste of my time and just pointless. Also, the closer I got to God, the more he transformed me and the more I realized, I actually didn’t want to live like that anyway. I was no longer ok with chewing on a bone that I couldn’t even swallow or munching on an appetizer that wasn’t filling me. None of those situations were providing me with what i actually wanted, so why continue partaking in them? So I stopped. I made a decision to no longer waste time with something that wasn’t fulfilling and wasn’t providing any nutrients. I told God, if it ain’t the main course, I DONT WANT IT or in other words, if it ain’t my husband, I DONT WANT IT.

“But you have to date in order to know if someone is your husband or not…” Them people be saying. Well obviously, in many cases you do have to date and get to know someone in order to discover things about them. But that's not what I'm talking about, what I’m talking about is this is clearly NOT the person I’m meant to be with but because I’m lonely or I’m bored, I’ll just date them in the “meantime”. That’s the nonsense I’m talking about.

Why are we even talking about this? You may be asking, weren't we supposed to be talking about, "Moving to Hawai'i Part III?"…well, we are talking about this because, I have crush and therefore this is what i'm musing at the moment.

Crush, ugh soooo stupid. I haven’t had a crush since like middle school, probably more like high school, but either way, it’s been awhile. So in navigating this crush, all these questions are coming up. I guess I should probably let you know, that I am a “recovering” over-thinker, since the Bible says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21), I am being very cautious with my words and so, instead of saying, I am an overthinking-analytical crazy person, I say instead that I am a recovering over-thinking, analytical beloved daughter of God. It is a pattern of thinking I am working hard to break, although it ain’t exactly broken just yet. Anyhoo, so all these questions are coming up. Questions like… “Does he like me too?” “Wait is he married? In a relationship? Is he even single?” I don’t see a ring on his finger, but that doesn't definitively mean he isn’t married. “Is he a believer in Christ?” And not just a, Oh I know that man from Galilee, but like do you KNOW Him? Does KNOW you? Are you submitted to Him? Because Lucifer and them demons know Him too, so just knowing Him ain’t enough. “Should I tell him I like him?” “How do I tell him I like him?” Being that I’m a woman and my brother Laterras R. Whitfield says, “Women should present and men should pursue”. “How do I present?” “Is my “presentation” clearly understood?” Cause you know our men, I love y’all, I really do; that being said, some of y'all, ain’t great at collecting Blue’s Clues and figuring out what Blue wants to do. If you’re in the generations after millennials you won’t get that reference so just google it. But basically I’m saying, some of our wonderful men just don’t recognize that you like them unless it’s plainly expressed.

So the over-thinking, this is something some women do, I won’t say most women, so some of y’all don’t get upset, but it's actually, it actually is most, I mean I ain’t take a poll or nothing but it’s most. Especially when they like someone, and it kinda goes something like this, “Oh my gosh, he looked at me, he likes me too.” Then we start trying on his last name to see if it fits. Where they do that at? Crazyland that’s where! Or over-thinking be like, “Oh my gosh, he DIDN'T look at me, he doesn’t like me. He hates me!” Or maybe, he looked at you, because you were in the same direction that his head just so happened to be facing, or he didn’t look at you, just because, he didn’t look at you. Why must we attempt to make such concrete and absolute conclusions from small, possibly insignificant random occurrences. Now I’m not saying, this is what I did with my crush, I’m just saying, this what be happening. Okay, umm hmm, mmkay.

So some more questions and things that been coming up. So I am trying to present myself and trying to put myself in the same space that he is in, and sometimes I am naturally supposed to be in these spaces, and other times I am literally trying to fabricate excuses to put myself in his space. Now I know some people have a lot to say about women, “shooting their shot” and honestly, I don’t know where I stand on that one. I think it’s ok for a woman to shoot their shot AND on the other end, I’m like but what does that actually look like? I think presenting yourself and showing interest is okay, but then he needs to pursue and take the lead, because he is supposed to be the lead, but then again we just said, some of our men don’t be collecting these clues, so, what does a women “shooting her shot,” while still remaining in her femininity and in her submissive role actually look like? Yes, I said submissive, cause that's what we're supposed to be. I feel like it is case by case, because if you have a man, who ain’t collecting these Blue’s Clues, then you may have to be a little bit more direct, but then fall back and let him decide whether he wants to pursue or not. In my case, it's a little bit more complicated so I can't really be that direct. Ugh so stupid having a crush after 30. Sooo stupid.

So, some more, more questions and more, more "recovering" over-thinking thoughts, now let’s get into the Disciple of Christ part, also known as the more spiritual part. So what I’ve been musing, is on one end, I’m like as a beloved daughter of The Most High, should I be fabricating excuses to put myself in his space? Does God need my help? He certainly didn’t need it to create the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1). Should I be trying to find out things about him to see if this is even worth considering? So, I tried being an internet stalker, umm hmm, that's what i said, internet stalker, just to figure out if he’s even available and single, and after searching for ummteen minutes and coming up empty because I couldn’t find a thing, I kinda felt like the Holy Spirit was like, “Are you done? If I wanted you to know, you would know”. 🙄 Sigh. Stupid, stupid crush.

More musing…As a daughter of God how much should I be doing to “put myself out there” as they say, whoever them is…everybody that’s who, everybody. Obviously, don’t sit in the house all day, everyday, yes, go out and live life, but what I’m saying is, how much intentionality and once again fabricating or creating and striving should I be doing? When God literally doesn’t need my help, and if I try to help Him and something happens, now was this God or was it me? Now of course nothing happens without God's permission, but sometimes He be letting stupid stuff happen that He didn’t necessarily desire for us, but because we kept pushing and striving and forcing things, He allowed it to happen. So I ask again, how much is too much vs just enough? Also, how much of it is letting God be God and me being still and letting Him do what He do. Like what is the percentage, that should be ascribed to me putting myself out there, presenting myself, and letting him know I’m interested vs letting God write the story. 20% me, 80% God? 10% me, 90% God? 0% me, 100% God? Like what is it? Then they be saying, "Well that’s why you're still single, because you’re not doing enough". But then when you mess around and "do enough," and go before God or go completely in the direction He’s not even tryna take you and you end up in a horrible marriage or divorced trying to coparent with a demon, then they (uh huh the same they) will say, “Well why didn’t you wait on the Lord?” (Wait on the Lord, wait on the Lord—Maverick song)…

Darn stupid crush.

So in conclusion…yeah, there is no conclusion. And honestly I don’t even want to publish this until I have a conclusion, one way or another, because crushes are stupid, not sure if you heard me say that few times already lol and I just didn’t want to be posting this while I’m still in...limbo…but whatever…vulnerability it is…

Maybe I’ll have an update post for you, maybe not, probably not, yeah, probably not…now I kinda already know the answer to these over-thinking, not going with the flow questions, because the answer is...there is no answer! And they can never be pleased, so I can’t base my responses or actions on them, and I’m supposed to be living for my Creator anyway, He’s the only one I need to answer to and these things really are case by case, situation by situation, day by day. And the only way, the ONLY WAY, I can really know what to do in each situation is by tuning in to the Holy Spirit and letting him be my step by step guide. Like, “Holy Spirit, today, how you feel about me creating a fake reason to go over there? Naw not today? Oh ok, I’ll ask again tomorrow.” And I don't mean to over spiritualize things, whatever that means, but in these cases when we just don’t know what to do, and it’s just not as simple to drop a big Blues Clue, there’s nothing left to do but to let God lead and follow him step by step. At least I don’t see any other way, not in my situation anyway. What’s annoying though, is when I ask Holy Spirit, and I don’t really hear an answer one way or another, like if its a no, tell me no and I’ll fall back, but the silence thing, that ain’t really working for me Baba. So I've resolved to just chill and see how things play out, if He wants me to know, I guess He’ll let me know. I sure will keep asking though. Stupid, stupid, stupid crush. Sigh.

I guess I shouldn’t have really called this, “Dating after 30 be like, more like crushing after 30 be like…” but anyhoo…

Alright, catch me next time.

Later Sons and Daughters.

I love you.