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Dear Jake, I hope this isn’t strange, but I saw you on the train this morning and I really wanted to talk to you, but I was so nervous and by the time I finally worked up the courage, you weren’t there anymore. I was so bummed and as I was walking away, I noticed a business card in the seat where you were sitting and that’s how I got your contact information…Oh gosh, I really hope this isn’t too weird. I promise I’m not like crazy or a stalker or anything like that. I’m pretty normal actually. I just saw a handsome guy, and I felt like maybe we could hit it off and although you had already left, when I saw the business card, I felt like maybe it was a sign. I don’t know. Maybe that does sound a little weird. Ok I admit, it’s crazy, yes and I can’t explain it, but I saw you sitting there and I just got this…feeling. Yeah, you’re, definitely going to think I’m crazy, LOL. Anyway, maybe this will provide some context; so I have this deck of cards with daily affirmations and I randomly picked one today and it said, “Something good will happen today, but only if you take a chance”.  Hi chance…consider yourself taken. Or…half taken, since I didn’t actually work up the courage to physically go up and talk to you, well, I did, but not soon enough. I went to the bathroom to give myself a pep talk and when I came back, well like I said, you had already left.  Oh my gosh, you’re probably wondering who in the heck is this, right? Probably should have introduced myself before all the rambling, oh boy, this is going GRREEAATT. Well, my name is Jamie. I’m 22 years old and I’m a 5th grade substitute teacher. Uh, things I like to do; I love to go out dancing and I love traveling and learning about different cultures. Some of my favorite places that I’ve been to are France, Italy, Spain, and Bali. I stayed at each of those places for a couple of weeks and learned everything I could about the culture, from the food, to the music, to the basic belief systems. I find it so fascinating that people usually assume that we are so different, but in actuality we are really quite similar. But you wouldn’t really know that unless you gave someone a chance, and I think that’s whats wrong with our society, we don’t really give people chances. Anyway, aside from traveling I also play the violin. I’ve been playing since I was a child and its my favorite instrument to play. I also play the piano, the guitar, and the cello. I was almost a part of an orchestra, but decided at the last minute, that it wasn’t for me. Lol. Although I play a lot of instruments, my favorite instrument to listen to is one I don’t know how to play, and that is the saxophone. Something about it, just sends chills down my spine. Every single time. When I was a child my parents put me in so many different activities. Piano, violin, guitar, ballet, contemporary, you name it. Yup, they were one of  those  parents. But you know what? I’m actually glad they were like that. When I think about it, what I enjoyed the most isn’t one particular instrument or extracurricular activity that I did, I realize I actually just love the process of learning. I think maybe that’s why I became a substitute teacher and I’m currently finishing up my degree to become a general education teacher. So, that’s a little bit about me, but I kinda feel like I’ve been rambling enough already, so if you have any question please feel free to ask. Hopefully you’re still reading this and didn’t delete this email. OMG what if this email just got put into spam and you never see it. Lol.  Anyway, I would love it if we could get to know each other. If you’re interested of course, just email me back (if I’m not stuck in your spam that is…haha). My email is JamieJ22@aol.com, oh wait I guess you already know that right Lol, gosh why am I so nervous writing this, anyway you can just hit reply and respond to me, if you want of course. So I just had this thought, what if this business card isn’t even yours? What if I am talking to some random person who left it there way before you sat there? And his  name is Jake, but he’s not you , so your name’s not Jake and I’ve been addressing, “Jake” this whole time, but he’s not you and you’re not him. LOL. Soooo, if you’re the sandy-blonde, blue-eyed guy who was on the train this morning, November 2nd, around 6:30am, the Pascack Valley Line going towards Oradell who was wearing a navy blue suit with a bright yellow tie, then this email is for you. I’m the ginger or red-head that was in the seat adjacent to yours, wearing a lime green sundress and a long burgundy winter coat. If you do not fit this descriptions…PLEASE DISREGARD. DELETE ME NOW. He, he, he, ha ha ha. Do not respond. So awkward. But if it is you, Jake, or the sandy-blonde, blue-eyed guy in the navy blue suit, with the bright yellow tie, then I hope to hear from you soon!  P.S I promise I’m not crazy. Not the bad type of crazy anyway. Lol.    Sincerely Jamie, 11/02/1997 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Jamie, I’m really happy you decided to email me. Yes, I am the sandy-blonde, blue-eyed guy with the navy blue suit and the yellow tie lol. I’ve actually seen you riding the train the last several months, and I convinced myself I wasn’t your type so, I’ve just been admiring you from afar. That day, I thought I saw you glancing at me and I wanted to say hi, but I saw you get up and leave. I left my business card where I was sitting and hoped you would take it and get in contact with me. Now I sound like the crazy stalker, LOL. I’m not by the way. I’m normal…just like you. Although, you don’t sound, normal to me at all. I mean not that you don’t sound normal, normal, obviously you’re normal, normal, I just mean you don’t sound “normal”. Ok, that was clear as mud, usually I’m pretty good with my words, but what I’m trying to say is you sound pretty darn interesting. For instance, I think it’s amazing that you have traveled to so many places. I also have an interest in traveling. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to visit many places, but it’s definitely something I want to do. I actually just applied for a passport if you can believe it or not. So I should be well on my way to traveling any day now. Maybe you can give me some travel pointers. I’m not really sure where I want to go first, but definitely somewhere where I would need a passport. A 5th grade sub huh? You must have a lot of patience and you must love kids. Well, I guess that may not necessarily be true LOL. You could also be the worst sub ever. Lol. You know those subs who it was obvious they got into teaching just to make children’s lives miserable…ugh Ms. Stone, sorry, I just had a flashback! Ms. Stone was my 12th grade substitute teacher and she was horrible! Our 12th grade teacher, Melissa…Ms. Ross, got into this horrible freak accident and never came back to work, so we were stuck with Ms. Stone for the remainder of the year, which was almost half the school year. It was torture! Pure torture…sometimes I feel she was sent as punishment.  But anyway, enough of that, I’m sure you’re an awesome teacher. So, do you, like kids? I love kids. I don’t have any of my own yet, but I really do want children one day. It’s funny you said you had “one of those” parents. I grew up wishing I had "one of those" parents LOL. My family wasn’t able to afford any of that kind of stuff. But if they could have, I would have wanted to learn to play the piano as well, but if I could just pick one, it would have to be the saxophone. Something about the saxophone has always captivated me. So that’s one thing we have in common for sure. And hearing you say it brings chills down your spine, makes me really regret not learning how to play. I would have loved playing the sax for you. I think I was maybe 10 years old when I first heard the sound of the saxophone. My parents were watching TV and I was supposed to be sleeping, but I heard this beautiful music and I was drawn to it. So I snuck out of bed and went into the living room and that’s when I saw it for the first time. This man was playing the saxophone so beautifully. I was mesmerized. Since then, I promised myself I would learn how to play. But I never did. Life. You know how that goes. But maybe it’s not too late and when I do learn, I will definitely play for you. Umm, so I just turned 28 years old, never been married, came close once, no kids yet, like I said, and I own my own painting business. I was actually trying to sell the business while I was in New Jersey, but that didn’t work out so I’m back home now, in Mississippi. Although I have a lot of customers in Mississippi, my main source of income is in NJ so I spend a lot of time there, and the back and forth has gotten to be too much so I decided to sell the business. But tell me more about yourself? Do you have any kids? I’m assuming you’re not married. Tell me more about your childhood; your likes and dislikes. Oh I know, tell me something you’ve never told anyone before. As for me, my childhood was pretty typical. I have three sisters, all younger, and four brothers, all older. I’m smack dab in the middle. We grew up lower middle class, and that’s probably because there were so many of us, LOL. Although we didn’t have a lot of money, I guess you could say we were comfortable. We never had the newest gadgets or name brand clothes, but we always had food on the table. PB & Js and ramen count as food right? LOL.  I’m a pretty laid back guy and I don’t have many dislikes. My likes, aside from the sax would have to be watching black and white films (corny I know). I also love animals, I have two dogs, one cat, a few fish, and two hamsters. And I plan to get more animals. Sometimes I think I would just be better off living on a farm. Although, I don’t think I actually want to take care of the land, I just need the space for all the animals and kids I want to have, LOL. Soo, one thing that I’ve never told anyone…when I was in middle school the popular high school kids dared me to take my dad’s car for a joy ride. It was the end of middle school and I would soon be going into high school and I wanted to be a part of this group so badly; I was so tired of being a loner, so I did it. Now, disclaimer, my dad had already been teaching me how to drive a little here and there, so at the time, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. So, that night, I waited till everyone was asleep and took my dad’s keys and took the car. Little did I know, daytime driving and nighttime driving are two different things. I’m sure you see where this is going….I didn’t get but a few blocks before I drove the car straight into a tree. Thank goodness I was was ok, but the car, was pretty old to begin with so that tree was the last straw for it. I was so shaken up that I just left the car there, ran back home and got into bed. Of course, I didn’t sleep a wink, I just tossed and turned for the rest of the night. That morning, when my dad went outside and noticed his car was missing, he started looking around and finally saw that it was down the block in the tree. He immediately thought my big brother Darrell did it because he had snuck out and taken the car before. My dad was livid and he tore into Darrell so much I thought he was going to kill him. Darrell, kept crying, “It wasn’t me dad, it wasn’t me,” but dad wouldn’t listen, he just kept hitting him. I was too afraid to say anything. From that day my dad and Darrell’s relationship has never been the same. Please don’t think I’m a horrible person, I was a kid and I really didn’t know better. Well, I did know better but I was impressionable and so stupid. I just wanted to make friends with the cool kids, and I was too scared to tell my dad the truth…or anyone for that matter. You’re the only person I’ve told, and honestly I really don’t know why I’m telling you this, I don’t even know you. But anyway that’s my secret. I hope to hear from you soon. Yours 4ever, J 11/09/97

👈🏾 Listen here Ok so let’s talk about it… Dating after 30 be like… Well I should say, Disciple of Christ dating after 30 be like… So I’m after 30, years old and I’m a Disciple of Christ, so the dating stuff is just giving question marks for me. But what are you talking about cousin? Right, so let’s talk about it in cousin’s corner, which is basically a corner where we have family talks, because you know, we cousins…we family. Where should we start, so…several years ago I told the Lord I wanted to date intentionally and no longer date just to date. What that meant for me, was I was no longer going to be entertaining men or BOYS who I knew very well I had no intention on marrying or had no intention on marrying me. I was no longer going to date men just for the sake of having someone or just to fill a void or fill the space, you know what space I’m talking about. But before I made this conscious decision to date with intention, I used to ask God, “Just give me a bone to chew on since the meal is not ready yet” or “Just give me an appetizer, since the meal is taking sooo long”…then after doing that nonsense for few years I realized it was literally a waste of my time and just pointless. Also, the closer I got to God, the more he transformed me and the more I realized, I actually didn’t want to live like that anyway. I was no longer ok with chewing on a bone that I couldn’t even swallow or munching on an appetizer that wasn’t filling me. None of those situations were providing me with what i actually wanted, so why continue partaking in them? So I stopped. I made a decision to no longer waste time with something that wasn’t fulfilling and wasn’t providing any nutrients. I told God, if it ain’t the main course, I DONT WANT IT or in other words, if it ain’t my husband, I DONT WANT IT.  “But you have to date in order to know if someone is your husband or not…” Them  people be saying. Well obviously, in many cases you do have to date and get to know someone in order to discover things about them. But that's not what I'm talking about, what I’m talking about is this is clearly NOT the person I’m meant to be with but because I’m lonely or I’m bored, I’ll just date them in the “meantime”. That’s the nonsense I’m talking about. Why are we even talking about this? You may be asking, weren't we supposed to be talking about, "Moving to Hawai'i Part III?"…well, we are talking about this because, I have crush and therefore this is what i'm musing at the moment.  Crush, ugh soooo stupid. I haven’t had a crush since like middle school, probably more like high school, but either way, it’s been awhile. So in navigating this crush, all these questions are coming up. I guess I should probably let you know, that I am a “recovering” over-thinker, since the Bible says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21), I am being very cautious with my words and so, instead of saying, I am an overthinking-analytical crazy person, I say instead that I am a recovering over-thinking, analytical beloved daughter of God. It is a pattern of thinking I am working hard to break, although it ain’t exactly broken just yet. Anyhoo, so all these questions are coming up. Questions like… “Does he like me too?” “Wait is he married? In a relationship? Is he even single?” I don’t see a ring on his finger, but that doesn't definitively mean he isn’t married. “Is he a believer in Christ?” And not just a, Oh I know that man from Galilee, but like do you KNOW Him? Does KNOW you? Are you submitted to Him? Because Lucifer and them demons know Him too, so just knowing Him ain’t enough. “Should I tell him I like him?” “ How do I tell him I like him?” Being that I’m a woman and my brother Laterras R. Whitfield says, “Women should present and men should pursue”. “ How do I present?” “Is my “presentation” clearly understood?” Cause you know our men, I love y’all, I really do; that being said, some of y'all, ain’t great at collecting Blue’s Clues and figuring out what Blue wants to do. If you’re in the generations after millennials you won’t get that reference so just google it. But basically I’m saying, some of our wonderful men just don’t recognize that you like them unless it’s plainly expressed.  Eureka! So the over-thinking, this is something some  women do, I won’t say most women, so some of y’all don’t get upset, but it's actually, it actually is most, I mean I ain’t take a poll or nothing but it’s most. Especially when they like someone, and it kinda goes something like this, “Oh my gosh, he looked at me, he likes me too.” Then we start trying on his last name to see if it fits. Where they do that at? Crazyland that’s where! Or over-thinking be like, “Oh my gosh, he DIDN'T look at me, he doesn’t like me. He hates me!” Or maybe, he looked at you, because you were in the same direction that his head just so happened to be facing, or he didn’t look at you, just because, he didn’t look at you. Why must we attempt to make such concrete and absolute conclusions from small, possibly insignificant random occurrences. Now I’m not saying, this is what I  did with my crush, I’m just saying, this what be happening. Okay, umm hmm, mmkay.  So some more questions and things that been coming up. So I am trying to present myself and trying to put myself in the same space that he is in, and sometimes I am naturally supposed to be in these spaces, and other times I am literally trying to fabricate excuses to put myself in his space. Now I know some people have a lot to say about women, “shooting their shot” and honestly, I don’t know where I stand on that one. I think it’s ok for a woman to shoot their shot AND on the other end, I’m like but what does that actually look like? I think presenting yourself and showing interest is okay, but then he needs to pursue and take the lead, because he is supposed to be the lead, but then again we just said, some of our men don’t be collecting these clues, so, what does a women “shooting her shot,” while still remaining in her femininity and in her submissive role actually look like? Yes, I said submissive, cause that's what we're supposed to be. I feel like it is case by case, because if you have a man, who ain’t collecting these Blue’s Clues, then you may have to be a little bit more direct, but then fall back and let him decide whether he wants to pursue or not. In my case, it's a little bit more complicated so I can't really be that direct. Ugh so stupid having a crush after 30. Sooo stupid.  So, some more, more questions and more, more "recovering" over-thinking thoughts, now let’s get into the Disciple of Christ part, also known as the more spiritual part. So what I’ve been musing, is on one end, I’m like as a beloved daughter of The Most High, should I be fabricating excuses to put myself in his space? Does God need my help? He certainly didn’t need it to create the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1). Should I be trying to find out things about him to see if this is even worth considering? So, I tried being an internet stalker, umm hmm, that's what i said, internet stalker, just to figure out if he’s even available and single, and after searching for ummteen minutes and coming up empty because I couldn’t find a thing, I kinda felt like the Holy Spirit was like, “Are you done? If I wanted you to know, you would know”. 🙄 Sigh. Stupid, stupid crush. More musing…As a daughter of God how much should I be doing to “put myself out there” as they say, whoever them  is…everybody that’s who, everybody. Obviously, don’t sit in the house all day, everyday, yes, go out and live life, but what I’m saying is, how much intentionality and once again fabricating or creating and striving should I be doing? When God literally doesn’t need my help, and if I try to help Him and something  happens, now was this God or was it me? Now of course nothing happens without God's permission, but sometimes He be letting stupid stuff happen that He didn’t necessarily desire  for us, but because we kept pushing and striving and forcing things, He allowed it to happen. So I ask again, how much is too much vs just enough? Also, how much of it is letting God be God and me being still and letting Him do what He do. Like what is the percentage,  that should be ascribed to me putting myself out there, presenting myself, and letting him know I’m interested vs letting God write the story. 20% me, 80% God? 10% me, 90% God? 0% me, 100% God? Like what is it? Then they  be saying, "Well that’s why you're still single, because you’re not doing enough". But then when you mess around and "do enough," and go before God or go completely in the direction He’s not even tryna take you and you end up in a horrible marriage or divorced trying to coparent with a demon, then they (uh huh the same they) will say, “Well why didn’t you wait on the Lord?” (Wait on the Lord, wait on the Lord—Maverick song)… Darn stupid crush.  So in conclusion…yeah, there is no conclusion. And honestly I don’t even want to publish this until I have a conclusion, one way or another, because crushes are stupid, not sure if you heard me say that few times already lol and I just didn’t want to be posting this while I’m still in...limbo…but whatever…vulnerability it is… Maybe I’ll have an update post for you, maybe not, probably not, yeah, probably not…now I kinda already know the answer to these over-thinking, not going with the flow questions, because the answer is...there is no answer! And they  can never be pleased, so I can’t base my responses or actions on them , and I’m supposed to be living for my Creator anyway, He’s the only one I need to answer to and these things really are case by case, situation by situation, day by day. And the only way, the ONLY WAY, I can really know what to do in each situation is by tuning in to the Holy Spirit and letting him be my step by step guide. Like, “Holy Spirit, today, how you feel about me creating a fake reason to go over there? Naw not today? Oh ok, I’ll ask again tomorrow.” And I don't mean to over spiritualize things, whatever that means, but in these cases when we just don’t know what to do, and it’s just not as simple to drop a big Blues Clue, there’s nothing left to do but to let God lead and follow him step by step. At least I don’t see any other way, not in my situation anyway. What’s annoying though, is when I ask Holy Spirit, and I don’t really hear an answer one way or another, like if its a no, tell me no and I’ll fall back, but the silence thing, that ain’t really working for me Baba. So I've resolved to just chill and see how things play out, if He wants me to know, I guess He’ll let me know. I sure will keep asking though. Stupid, stupid, stupid crush. Sigh. I guess I shouldn’t have really called this, “Dating after 30 be like, more like crushing after 30 be like…” but anyhoo… Alright, catch me next time.  Later Sons and Daughters.  I love you. Musing...NOT, totally NOT, overthinking 😜

👈🏾 Listen here Not sure where we left off, but last time in “Moving to Hawai'i” I believe I was explaining about my nervous breakdown on the plane ride to Hawai'i for my job interview. Well! Now it is May 10th 2024 and I have been in Hawai'i for 3 weeks and one day! Well to say it has been a journey would be an underSTATEMENT 😂 . Where should we start? Hmm. Ok, so let’s start with the day I moved away from Florida, April 18th 2024. So that day I was supposed to leave the house at 4:30am so I could get to the airport, around 5:30am for a 8am flight. Its about an hour drive but with the morning rush hour, it can be much longer, so I wanted to get there with plenty time to spare. I also wanted my parents to see me off, so the plan was, that my dad would have a friend drive him to the airport and I would drive with my mom and someone would stay with the cars at the cell-tower that way my parents could see me off at the airport and we could spend as much time as possible together before I had to leave. If you’re wondering why we couldn’t all just drive together, well for one, my parents are divorced and my dad lives about one hour south of the airport and I lived with my mom, about one hour north of the airport; so, that's the way we had to do it. My surprise (you can't really surprise me) Go-away Party 😝 Well, my dad’s friend, wasn’t able to take him after all, although he didn’t tell me this until after I had arranged another way for him to get to the airport. Here’s how that  happened. So at my surprise, you can't really surprise me, go-away party, I was causally mentioning to my Hānai sister, Jeanelle, my plan about how we're all gonna go to the airport, and she says, “Oh I can take your dad". "Ohh Uuhhhh oohhkkk," I said. I would have never thought to ask her, even though she is a dear sister who is very selfless and is always so helpful, I just wouldn’t have thought to ask her because of the inconvenience of it all. And, as I told you before, I thought my dad already had a ride. Hmm..But God would have it that I would randomly be talking to her about it and God put it in her heart to offer to take him. So when I told my dad that my friend, who lives nearby him would take him, it is THEN he informs me that his friend couldn’t take him 😂. So when were you gonna tell me this sir? Hmm ok. Anyhoo, back to the story, so I’m driving to the airport with my mom and we're talking and then there’s a moment where there’s some silence and I suddenly just start laughing, and she’s like, “Why are you laughing”. So I tell her, I just had a memory randomly come to mind about the time that I was a little girl and I was going to my grandmother’s house in New York and I was maybe 6 or 7 years old and I was going to be traveling by myself, for the first time on a plane. So in the memory I saw myself walking through the boarding bridge and my parents were standing there watching me. At that time my dad worked at airport so he was able to get my mom a pass and they both were able to be in the passenger boarding bridge to see me get on the plane. In the memory I remember their faces looking worried and I think my mom was about to cry, who knows, I was too excited and too busy chatting away with the flight attendant...ahh the blissful innocence of youth 😂 . So I shared that memory with my mom and I told her that it made me realize that this is the same thing that's happening right now...28 years later, my parents are going to once again be seeing me off on a journey that I'm going to be taking by myself. I also told my mom, “Man, I wish my dad still worked at the airport that way you guys could see me get on the plane”. Because as it stands, my plan was for them to be with me in the airport and take me as far as they could go, which would be TSA; then we would say our goodbyes at TSA. WELL. When the Bible says, “The mind of man plans his ways, but the Lord directs or establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). Well that is the whole truth and nothing but the truth and in this case I am so grateful that the Lord directed and established my steps. So, we met up with my dad and Jeanelle and ended up parking one of the cars at a location close by the airport and then we all drove to the airport in one car, and Jeanelle dropped us off and waited at the cell-tower. I proceeded to the airline’s section and the woman at the counter told me, “You have to check your bags at the kiosk first”. So I turned around and went to the kiosk. My parents were helping me with the luggages because I had two checked bags, one carry one luggage and one personal item. I travel often but I don’t usually have a checked bag so I completely forgot I had to go to the kiosk first to print out tags for the bags. When I got to the kiosk another airline employee saw me and she started talking me through the process. Now I don’t know why she started helping me, even before I asked for help, I don’t know if I looked confused, but then again, she didn’t even let me get  confused, she was there helping me from step one, so hmm I don’t know….well, I do know 😂, it was God, but  you’ll see what I mean in a minute. So she, we will call her Angel, because that is what she was! So, Angel started helping me, telling me where to click and just basically held my hand through the whole process, and after I printed my luggage tags and got my boarding passes she said, “You can come this way, I’ll take you.” So I said, “Uh ok,” I was just gonna go back to the first lady but I followed her and she began to weigh my luggage…Oh my gosh, another thing I forgot about checked bags...they weigh them! Oh my gosh, why? And well, they were, let’s just say, OBESE, like $200 per luggage MORBIDLY OBESE. So Angel says, “Do you wanna take something out and put it in another bag?” I, who once again, had completely forgotten about “weights” with checked bags, just responded, “No, I’m moving, so all my bags are full ,” so I just pulled out my card to pay. I refused to let this unexpected thing put me in a bad mood because it was already an emotionally intense morning because I was moving away from my family to the other side of the globe! SQUIRREL I am so sorry to do this to you, sorry not sorry, so I totally forgot to tell you about how I felt that morning, so let's take a few minute detour, ok. So, I had been fine, not really feeling any intense undesired emotions about leaving. Few times I would feel anxious about the unknown, but all normal stuff, nothing cray cray, nothing crazy, but man that morning, the morning of April 18th, the morning I was actually going to leave, I felt SOOOO ANXIOUS. I was in the bathroom getting ready and I was thinking, “OOOHHH, THIS IS REAL. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING. WE ARE REALLY  DOING THIS? ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS? MOVING AWAY FROM OUR FAMILY AND COMMUNITY AND EVERYTHING WE KNOW, TO GO TO A PLACE SOOO FAR AWAY, WHERE WE HAVE NOOOBODY?” I think that morning was the time I felt the most intense “negative” emotions about this move. Now I put negative in quotations, because they are not negative  really, they are just emotions that one does not desire to feel, as my auntie, Dr. Anita Philips would say, so, no emotions are negative, emotions are information…so hence the quotations. These emotions were so intense (ok so, all my emotions are, intense…but that’s another story for another day), but these emotions were so intense that I had look myself in the mirror in the bathroom and tell myself, “Yes, we're doing this,” and “Yes, we are moving to Hawai'i today,” “Yes, yes, yes, we're doing this, what else are we gon’ do? Not go? Unpack our bags, 'unsend' all the boxes we already don sent to ourselves that are currently in Hawai'i right now waiting for us? Break the contract with our employer? What else are we gonna do?” So like many things, I decided, like my sister Tasha Cobbs Leonard would say, to “Do it anyway”. Do it, in spite of the fear, the questions, the unknown, the doubt, all the legitimate concerns….I informed myself that morning, that like Uncle Tim Ross says, 'If you can't do it brave (c'mon dwellers), do it scared'. So that morning, heart beating, body trembling with fear and anticipation, I got ready and I did it anyway! Anyhoo, once again...again 😂 back to our story…So Angel, oh my gosh, I hope you're keeping up, So Angel looked at me and was like, “Uh I wish I could help, but my supervisor is right over there..." She says as she glances over her left shoulder. She seemingly was going back and forth in her mind about what to do about my multiple obese luggage, then she says, “You’re first class anyway, don't worry about it” then she proceeds to take my luggage, my, at this point, $400+ OBESE luggage and puts them on the carousel without another word. I who didn’t even realize what was happening, until I realized, oh she didn’t take my payment from me, so I just said, “Oh my gosh, thank you so much, wow.” Then out of no where, Angel says, “Is this mom and dad?” “Uh, Yes,” I replied. “Do you want them to go to the gate with you?” Angel asks. WAIT WHAT? That’s a thing? BUT, BUT, that’s, that's not a thing anymore, especially since 911, like WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I starred at her for what felt like 20 minutes but was probably more like 2 seconds, because I promise you time slowed down. “Oh my gosh! Are you serious, yes, oh my gosh, Yes I want them to go with me!” I replied. “You won’t believe, I was just telling my mom on the drive over here, about when I was a little girl and my parents were able to stand at the end of the passenger boarding bridge with me because my dad used to work at the airport.” I told Angel this and I started crying, and then she started crying, it was a moment. After she took my parents’ ID and printed them “Gate-Only boarding passes,” I asked Angel if I could give her a hug and she said yes. She came around the counter and I hugged and I whispered to her, “Thank you so much, you have no idea what this means to me, thank you, thank you, thank you.” Then I said, “Please keep being a light in this world, because we need more light.” Needless to say, Angel and I were holding back tears and my parents, they were just standing there like two deers in headlights. Lost and lost-er, ok, I think we were all just in shock. So as planned, they walked me to TSA and NOT as planned, they came with me through TSA. We walked to the gate and sat down and just starred at each other in disbelief. I mean the fact that I randomly had this memory come to my mind and mentioned to my mom, how I wished my dad still worked at the airport so they could go with me to the gate and see me off like they did when I was 7 years old, and I would have never, ever thought to ask if that was even possible in this day and age. Like never! But God. So, few minutes later as the shock, kinda wore off, I decided to record a video, I started with my dad, and asked him, “What do you wanna say to your daughter?” Then mom, “What do you wanna say to your daughter?” I am so grateful that I was able to spend that extra time with my parents and make a video that I would have never had the time to make, had things went the way I originally planned. My mom and I both agreed and said, if we didn’t think God was with me and behind me in this big move to Hawai'i, we are certainly confident of this now after what just happened. When I was recounting this testimony to my family, my twin (she's not my actual twin, she's like 15 years older than me, but that's not the point)...my twin said, something to the likes of, 'You wished your dad still worked at the airport, but you forgot that your DADDY owns all the airports'. C'mon somebody! Wont He did it! 😂 When it was time to go, I gave several hugs and finally went in line to board the plane, I kept looking back at my parents until I could no longer see them. Then I scanned my boarding pass and I stepped into the tunnel, and as soon as I stepped into that tunnel, a wave….no, no a tsunami of emotions hit me like a ton of bricks, or should I say, a ton of water since, you know, its a tsunami after all, and I started to cry, I started to cry… “No, no not now, hmm hmm no no, nope, we’re not doing that right now, not right now, not right here,” I told myself, “Get it together.” Now, while I am learning to accept all my emotions like auntie Anita informs I should, at that particular time, I just didn’t think it appropriate for me to be crying a river, in the boarding bridge, just not appropriate. So, I held back the tsunami and walked to my seat. When I sat down, I thought, “What if this is the last time I see my parents, and if that’s the case, I didn’t hug them long enough”. I know you must be thinking, WOAH how did we get there, that’s an extreme thought. Well one of the things, or generational curses, I've been partnering with the Holy Spirit to break is catastrophic thinking, but that is, you guessed it, yet another story for yet another day. But anyhoo, I quickly changed the radio station of my thoughts, “No, you will see your parents, alive again” and I told myself, “Don’t do that to yourself baby, the hugs could never be long enough, so it’s okay…it’s okay, you did hug them long enough”.   On the plane, self-soothing 😂 So that’s part II 😂. Wondering if I should make part III or just call the next installation of my journey to Hawai'i something else, because man the journey has been and is a long one! Stay tuned for the drama, I mean journey...lol Alright, catch me next time.  Later Sons and Daughters.  I love you.  PS: Oh by the way if you're listening to the recording (at the top finger ☝🏾 ) and you are hearing my cohost in the background, the Coqui frogs, those are umm, well we'll talk about them next time in the next installation of "Moving to Hawai'i Part III: The Bug Edition! Spoiler alert!

👈🏾 Listen here! Today is April 6th 2024 and I AM MOVNG TO HAWAI'I. That was random. I know. I’m random. Well, not real ly  random, but to people outside of my mind…I’m random. Uhh right, well, seeing how everyone  is outside  of my mind, I guess I’m just random. Hehe (Michael Jackson), glad we got that out the way. Anyhoo, in actuality I’m having so many thoughts all at once and sometimes what comes out is, thought #1, followed by thought #15, and thought #15   seems random, but that’s only because you weren’t privy to thoughts #2 through #14. Soooo, yeah, yeah. I’m moving to Hawai'i.  My one-way plane ticket leaves from Florida to Hawai'i on April 18th 2024. Still feels crazy to say, “one-way” plane ticket. I’ve known about this move since November 2023, and it was confirmed January 2024, and it still does not feel REAL. Like I’m moving to where? By myself? Uhhh what in the heck is happening! The other day I was driving and it just hit me, wait am I really moving to Hawai'i bro? Oh my gosh! It’s crazy because, every once in awhile I'm going about my business and it hits me as if I’m just finding out I’m really moving. I think when I get there, and have NO RETURN flight home…THEN it will hit, like really HIT me….uhhhh you’re not going “home” because YOU ARE HOME!  Geesh.  Let that sink in… If you know me, you know this move is BIG. And obviously you don’t know me so, let me explain 😂 . I am 35 years old and have never, ever lived alone. I’ve always lived at home with my parents and my siblings and when I went off to college, I had a roommate, and when I went off to college again (Again? Yeah that’s another story) but when I went off to college again, I had, you guessed it…I had a roommate. So I’ve never lived alone. And when I went off to college, both times  I was maximum 2 hours away from home. And now at 35 years old, I’m moving to the other side of the freaking planet! A-L-O-N-E. Well, physically alone anyway. Because I’m never actually alone. Which is something God had to remind me of when I was on the plane heading to Hawai'i FOR THE FIRST TIME…for my job interview. Yeah, you heard me correctly, the first time I went to see the place I intended to pack up my whole life and move was when I went for the job interview. Some people find it strange that I applied to a job in Hawai'i and got on a plane, to go to an interview for a job without even actually visiting Hawai'i. I actually didn’t find it strange at all. HELLO its HAWAI'I!! 😂 Also, one of my desires is to travel and live in many different countries. Ideally if I had my way, I would live for 2-3 years in a different country and just keep doing that until my husband, kids and I find a place we can not leave because we love it so much or we get “too old” and can’t live that lifestyle anymore. I put “too old” in quotes because I don’t actually think I will EVER be “too old” to live out my dreams of traveling, but I understand some do believe this…unfortunately for them. Oh and no, I’m not married, and no, no kids either…YET. But that’s my dream. Once again, another story for, another day. 😂 Where was I? Oh yes, Hawai'i!!! So the first time I went to Hawai'i was when I went for the job interview, and I took 3 planes to get there. Florida to DFW (Hi Uncle Tim, I love you), DFW to Honolulu, Honolulu to Hilo. On that second flight, from Texas to Hawai'i, I had a WHOLE meltdown. A whole one. Not a partial, 2% is healthier…A WHOLE MILK MELTDOWN. Do you hear me? Now to the other passengers, I just looked like I was sleeping but inside...ooohhh inside, inside. Lord Jesus it’s a fire! So the meltdown kinda went like this…. Looks out the window. Sees nothing but the Pacific Ocean.  Flying over the Pacific Ocean Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING? I HAVE BEEN ON THIS FLIGHT FOR 3 HOURS AND I STILL HAVE 5 MORE HOURS TO GO. WHERE IS THIS PLACE? WHAT AM I DOING? AM I REALLY GOING TO MOVE THIS FAR? TTHHIISSS FARRRRR? THIS FAR AWAY FROM MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, FROM EVERYONE I KNOW. BY MYSELF. GOD DID I MAKE A MISTAKE? DID I MISS YOU? DID I NOT HEAR YOU CORRECTLY? WAS THIS JUST ME DOING WHAT I WANTED TO DO AND YOU WERE NEVER IN IT? That’s what I was thinking…and it’s in all caps because it was in all caps in my head 😂. So after freaking out for idk how long, I just heard the Holy Spirit say….“You’re not going alone. You are never alone. I am with you. And even if you had someone going with you, they could never BE WITH YOU, THE WAY I AM with you”. Welp. Meltdown shutdown! Close the whole milk meltdown factory! 😂 I won’t say that I was instantly 100% better and calm and no longer scared, but I will say, that I was resolved. Resolved means: “firmly determined to do something”. In that moment God affirmed me. He reminded me…I am not alone. He is with me. As I am writing this, the Holy Spirit just made me realize something, when God said, “I am with you”. He was saying I AM….with you. The same I AM that sent Moses to tell pharaoh to let God’s people go (Exodus 3:14). The same I AM that caused the blind to see and the deaf to hear, the lame to walk. The same I AM that answers by fire and send rain in a famine. The same I AM that filled the ditches with water even though there was no rain and no wind to show these ditches would be filled (2 Kings 3:17). The same I AM that the winds and the rain obey, because he is The Creator. The same I AM that raised Jesus Christ from the dead. The same I AM who is able to be everywhere, at every time, at the same time, all the time. The same I AM that is able to be everything I need Him to be, when I need Him to be….He is...friend, father, savior, love, protector, healer, confidant...Lord. I could go on, but you get my drift. He was telling me, not simply that He was with me, He was telling me that all  of who I AM is, was with me and is with me. I didn’t even realize this until right now as I wrote the words, “I AM with you,” woah.  One thing that I am praying that Hawai'i affords me is the space to write. I am a writer. Have always been a writer. Since I could write, like actually write words in like elementary school, I’ve been writing poems and stories. I have always been a writer…but depression took that from me. Yeah, you guessed it, yet another story for yet another day 👀 …My prayer is that being in Hawai'i gives me the space to write. By space, I mean, the mental clarity, the fresh perspective, being in nature, being in a place that is slower paced and the atmosphere is just...different…I'm not exactly...I’m not sure exactly how to explain this, but I’m praying Hawai'i affords me the ability to do a lot of the things I once loved but no longer do. And I believe this will happen. This post is proof. I’m not physically in Hawai'i yet, but it has still pushed me to write. And in writing, the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. Interview trip to Hawai'i Yo, I don’t even know if anyone is ever gonna see this post, because I’ve always wanted to start a blog, I always told myself that I’m not gonna go and start the blog until I have enough post to actually post . And why I did that was because, I have a tendency to be very excited about something, I put money for a platform and don’t actually do what I said I was gon' do. For example, I pay gym membership money and go to the gym two times, but yet them people still taking my money every month. Hmm can anyone relate? 👀 So, in order to not go down this familiar path, I told myself, until you’re actually writing regularly and have a good quantity of written works, you are not gonna go get excited about building a blog that doesn’t have any posts to post. Sooo, if you do end up seeing this, and I hope you do, because that would mean I kept my word to myself…I hope you’re not seeing it in the year 2056 😂 .  Anyhoo, this feels like a good place to stop. 🛑  Alright, catch me later. Later Sons and Daughters. I love you.