Jake & Jamie Part 2

Dear Jake,

Wow, I’m so sorry that happened. I guess the car took most of the impact when you ran into the tree, but I’m so glad you weren’t hurt and glad no one else was hurt. It would have been much worse if you had been injured, and no, I don’t think you’re a horrible person. I get it trust me, I understand the pressure of wanting to be liked by the “popular” kids. Being accepted is a basic human need and I think if we would all just acknowledge that, it would make it so much easier to give that acceptance to others…and to ourselves. Now that I’m a teacher, I can see how much the kids who aren’t as readily accepted are struggling. It is so painful to watch and see the longing in their eyes, they yearn for acceptance from their peers, especially the acceptance of the “popular” kids. So no, I do not think you’re a horrible person; transitioning from middle school to high school is so stressful, a lot of my 5th graders are having a hard time with the anticipation of transitioning to middle school. So I get it. It just makes me regret some choices I made when I was in high school. I really wish I was nicer and a little more accepting, but I can’t go back so all I can do now is try to talk to my kids about being kind and accepting, like I wish I was. Hindsight is 20/20 you know. So try not to beat yourself up about it, you can’t go back and change things, but maybe see what you can do now to make up for it? Maybe something like mentoring some young kids so they don’t make the same mistake? Do you think this is something you plan to tell your parents now that you’re older? Do you guys have a close relationship that would make you feel comfortable telling them? Or what about your siblings? Are you close to them? Thank you for your vulnerability Jake, most guys don’t open up like this so this is very new to me, and I must admit, it feels really good.

So to answer some of your question, uh actually I don’t like kids like that, I know that’s crazy. I’ve considered having them, but I don’t know, it just seems like a lot of responsibility, you know. That’s why I teach. I enjoy the kids for the day and then I get to go home, LOL. I love what I do, don’t get me wrong, but I really love the fact that I can step away from it at the end of the day. I’m sure that sounds terrible, but I hope you get what I mean. I just couldn’t imagine having a whole human depend on me for everything! And yeah, I’m not married, I’m single. Single and crushing on the guy from the train, lol.

I think it’s really cool that you want to learn to play the saxophone; it’s such a beautiful instrument. And you can definitely play for me anytime, anywhere! I am all ears! You mentioned selling your business didn’t work out, are you going to continue pursuing selling? 

Ummm, my childhood was pretty normal as well. I am an only child. I had an older sister, but she died before I was born, she was almost six years old when she died. My parents don’t really talk about it, but her room is still there…untouched, frozen in time, like a shrine. When I was young, I used to see my mom coming out of there crying. I used to ask her about it, but I quickly learned that was not a topic that was up for discussion. All I know is she was hit by a car when my parents were visiting my grandparents. It was a hit and run. They think it could have been a drunk driver. Anyway, enough of that sad story…geesh, it always hurts to talk about, even though I never knew her, she was still my sister, you know.

As far as likes and dislikes, I like animals too. I don’t actually own any, but I wouldn’t mind having a few. I did have a fish once, but it died. Apparently you have to feed them more than once a month, someone should really put that on an instructions manual or something lol. But honestly, I think it was a really busy time for me and I just forgot to feed the darn fish lol. But don’t worry, if I have kids one day, I know to feed them more than once a month LOL. I think it’s awesome that you want to live on a farm. I stayed with my grandparents on their farm for a few summers. It was a lot of work! Feeding the horses and chickens every day. I guess my family didn’t spoil me as much as I thought they did since they actually made me get up really early to feed the animals as part of my chores. The nerve of them! Lol, maybe if I had brothers and sister like you, we could have split up the chores and it wouldn’t have seemed like so much work. I don’t know, Being an only child sucks! I think it’s great you have so many siblings. It must have been really fun growing up with built in best friends. I think maybe if I had siblings my parents wouldn’t have been so overprotective, or maybe it was more so because of what happened to my sister. Probably all the above. Are you close to your siblings now? Oh wait I think I already asked that lol. Oh and I just realized you said you were almost married, tell me more about that, clearly her loss, but why didn’t that work out?

So you asked to know something I’ve never told anyone before…hmm, I don’t have that many secrets, but I guess there is one thing, I’ve never told anyone, my senior year of high school I dated this guy who was a “bad boy,” you know the type, I went through a rebellion phase, I guess you could say. I realize now that it’s because my parents were so overprotective and I think unconsciously I was resisting that confinement…but anyway, I guess he was getting bored with me and he started talking about breaking up. I was exactly the opposite of him, I wasn’t really a kid who got in trouble, I had good grades, followed all the rules, etc. This relationship was my way of pushing back against the, “goody-too-shoes” girl I was, and I knew if we broke up it would make my parents happy, and I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction, so I promised him I would do anything to make him stay and well…he came up with the brilliant idea that I should go away with him and our friends for the weekend. My parents never let me go to sleepovers, but I figured it’s my senior year of high school, there’s no way they can say no, right? Wrong! 

I came up with some elaborate story about how my girlfriends and I wanted to go away for the weekend to spend time together before we all left for college, which was half true, I just left out the fact that boys were going to be there as well. My mom was ok with it, my dad on the other hand wasn’t having it. And of course, dad has the final say. I was so upset. I actually don’t think I’ve ever been that upset before; I just felt like they were being very unfair, I was a good student, who always played by the rules, and they wouldn’t budge on this one thing. Well, what did I do you ask? Yup, you guessed it. I snuck out and met up with him. He told me we were all going to share a suite at the Hilton with my three friends and their boyfriends. He told me not to mention anything to my girlfriends because the guys, were supposed to be surprising them with this weekend getaway. I should have known something was up, like, who’s taking their girlfriends to the Hilton Hotel in high-school?!

Anyway, after he picked me up, I guess I fell asleep, because all I remember is feeling the car slow down and I looked outside and I see this deserted cabin in the woods. I looked at him and he smiled, “Surprise, I know I said we were all going to the Hilton, but I thought this would be more intimate and romantic”. "Oh, umm, our friends are here too?” I said. That’s when he told me they all went to the Hilton, but we would be at this cabin alone. He also mentioned that this was his original plan, he just didn’t tell me or any of our friends because he wanted it to be a “surprise”. I was so shocked and as he was explaining all of this, it hit me that no one knows where we are. Ugh how could I be so stupid? I was a virgin and he was always pressuring me about having sex, and I kept saying no…I just wasn’t ready. When I saw how deserted this “intimate” cabin was, I just had a sinking feeling in my gut that he was going to try to force himself on me…again. Yeah, that wasn’t a typo, I said, again.

Once we were at this party and he lead me to one of the bedrooms and he tried and I said, no, and he just wouldn’t accept it, he pushed me on the floor and was trying to force himself on me but someone was looking for the bathroom and stumbled in on us and it startled him and I just ran. Later he said, I misunderstood what was happening and we were both drunk and we were just “messing around”. But what he doesn’t know is I actually was only pretending to drink at the party so I wasn’t drunk. But anyway, when I saw this cabin in the woods, I knew…no one was going to accidentally stumble in on us and save me…I was on my own. So while he was unloading the car, I made a run for it. I didn’t say anything, I just ran. I could hear him screaming, “Jamie, what are you doing, we’re in the middle of no where. Come back”. But I didn’t stop running until I heard the sound of cars on the road. I hitched a ride back home with some old lady who went to pick up some meds at the pharmacy for her husband. She was a Godsend! When I saw him at school later that week, he just ignored me, and to tell you the truth, I was glad. I’ve never told anyone that and now that I’m older I understand just how tragic that weekend could have gone. I should have broken things off with him after that party, but…I don’t know, he was really convincing, telling me I misunderstood, and I guess I believed him, more than I believed myself. 

I’m really glad you responded to my email Jake, I don’t why but I feel like I’ve know you for years…talking to you seems so easy. I hope you feel the same. 

Sincerely, Jamie

11/14/1997

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Dear Jamie,

Thanks for trusting me and sharing that, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you, it must have been terrifying. And you also don’t beat yourself up, we all make choices that we question later when we have more wisdom and insight. I have three younger sisters and just the thought of something like that happening to them makes me so angry. Thank God you were able to get out of there when you did, because I agree with you, he would have definitely tried something and this time, if you said no, he wouldn’t have accepted no for an answer. I’m going to change the subject now because although I know that this is something that happened in the past, I’m so angry and have no where to direct my anger. I know we don’t even know each other, but I just feel really protective over you, Jame. I’m really sorry that happened to you. I wish I was there to hold you right now.

And thanks for being so understanding with my secret. It feels scary telling someone, but at the same time, it kind of feels good finally getting it out, like a weight being lifted off my consciousness. Telling my folks what happened? I don’t know Jamie, it just seems so far removed, you know. I mean, it was so long ago. I wouldn’t even know where to start with that conversation. And what would be the point, to rehash something that happened over a decade ago. My brother Darrell passed away awhile ago, so not really sure if saying something now would really make a difference. It would probably just piss my parents off that I kept it from them this whole time. And no, to answer your question, unfortunately my family and I aren’t close. You want to know what it’s like growing up with a bunch of “built in friends,” well I couldn’t tell you. My brothers and sisters and I never got along. We fought all the time. I think it was just too many of us, too many different personalities, in a small space, you know, that kind of thing. I think if I had the choice, I would have chosen to be an only child, except for my older brother Darrell, we were really close…well, until the accident, things changed after that. I get that being sheltered must have been tough but at least you know your parents cared about you. Me on the other hand, I always felt like my parents didn’t have time for me. You know that kid that acts out in order to get attention, yup, that was me. I knew my parents loved me, but I guess I would have preferred a little more attention than what I got. And I know it wasn’t their fault, like I said before, they did the best they could with what they had, but I can definitely see now how it negatively affected me. I’m sorry to hear about your sister by the way. That must have been difficult for your parents. I can see why they kept you so sheltered. They must have been terrified of going through another loss.  

You said, ‘now you understand those kids’, does that mean you were one of the popular kids, Jamie? Because that’s what it sounds like to me lol. Let me guess, you were a cheerleader weren’t you? No wait, cheer captain! You certainly have the body for it. =) 

But wait, I can’t believe you don’t want to have kids! I think you would be an amazing mom. And yes, it is a lot of responsibility but it’s so worth it! At least that’s what I assume since people keep having them lol. I think I mentioned before, I've always wanted to have kids, I think it’s probably the one thing I want the most actually, a child. To leave a legacy, that way I am never forgotten. With a child, I would leave a piece of me on this earth, even after I’m gone. I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but the thought of leaving this earth without offspring is unimaginable to me. 

So let’s talk about this poor fish you killed. Man that’s terrible! Jame c’mon now, someone really had to tell you that you had to feed a fish more than once a month! Babe, you’re never gonna be able to live that one down. Whenever you do anything now, I’m just going to pull the, fish killer card! LOL. Don’t worry, when we have kids, I’ll remind you to feed them! =)

As far as my business goes, aside from the commute being too much, I think I just needed a change. I want to sell it and use that money to maybe start a different project. Or I’ll just travel to all those amazing places you mentioned…just travel until I run out of money…But as much as I want to travel, I think I’m going to keep the business. All this talk about kids and legacy has made me remember why I started the business in the first place, so I have something to leave my son. 

You asked about my fiancé, yeah well, we were high school sweethearts and were set to get married right after high school graduation and few months before the wedding we were fighting about something and the wedding was postponed, and well it was postponed forever, because we never really worked it out. That part of my life I don’t really like to talk about, but it’s a fair question for you to ask, but I’d prefer if we didn’t discuss it any further. 

Anyway Jamie, you should send me some pictures of yourself, fully clothed of course ;) I’ll send you some pics of me as well. Anyway I gotta head out. I have some clients waiting for some estimates. Catch you later.

Yours 4ever, J.

11/17/97

Wait did Jake just say, "When we have kids?" How do we feel about this?

• SLOW DOWN Jake 🛑 !! You're moving too fast!!
• Just the right pace! They've connected on a deep level.
• Not fast enough! Where's my ring Jake? Love knows no time!