Jake & Jamie Part 5

Dear Jake,

Jake, I can’t stop thinking about our time together! I am blushing just thinking about it. Blushing like right now, while writing this, it was…everything. I felt so connected to you in these last few weeks since we’ve been emailing back and forth but now, I feel even more connected to you. Pun intended lol. I can’t believe we…well, you know, you were there lol. I’m sorry again I didn’t tell you that I’ve never been with anyone, before. I mean it didn’t exactly come up and I wasn’t sure how to ease that into the conversation…Hey I’m the ginger-redhead who’s never been physically intimate with anyone hehe…yeah, see, it just doesn’t flow easily into the conversation. 

Anyway, thank you for not pressuring me. Thank you for handling me with such patience and care. I didn’t imagine my first time would be with someone I just met. I always figured I’d be in a committed relationship or married or something, but I have no regrets. I have no regrets about anything that happened that night. It was incredible. I think that’s probably why I wanted to be with you…in that way, you made me feel so seen and safe. I really have no words to describe how I feel, I just know I want to continue feeling like this…

So…what are we going steady now or something? Lol oh my gosh, I feel so silly. I guess we don’t really have to “define” anything, not yet anyway. We had an incredible time and I can’t stop thinking you or the time we spent together and that’s, that. Don’t be scared I’m still not a stalker LOL, I just can’t stop thinking about you. Oh my gosh what did you do to me? Lol Just kidding, not kidding, I’m serious though. Oh my gosh okay, stop it Jame. My Jaky calls me Jame lol oh my gosh I’m blushing soo bad right now. I’ve turned into my 5th grade students when they have a “crush”. I would always roll my eyes when I heard the girls talking about how they were, head over heels over some boy, but now ugh that’s me, I’m that girl…whose head over heels…over a boy, well, a man lol.

It truly was a special day, although, I kind of wish it was more than just…one…day. I mean we spent the whole day together, it’s just, I thought we were going to spend the weekend you know, but I get it, something came up, I’m grateful we at least got to spend the entire day together, and I don’t mean to put a damper on things, everything was perfect like I said, it’s just, I guess it kinda felt like you were really quiet…especially that night…you know, afterwards. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong, I mean, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I hope it was okay, for you. It’s just that in your emails, you have so much to say. I don’t know if you were maybe a little shy in person, or if maybe its because I was talking wayyy too much, I ramble when I’m nervous. I’m just realizing all of this now, by the way, now that I am about to send this email and I’m anticipating your typical response…that usually has a lot of words…Oh my gosh, I'm rambling again, I hope I’m making sense. Let me try to explain, I guess…So, I just mean that in our emails you’re a man of many words, but in person, it didn’t seem that way, you know? I mean its ok, we just have to get used to what our dynamic will look like in person. Or maybe you’re better with written words than spoken words? Cause with written words you get to really think about what you’re gonna say before you say, unlike in person you don’t really have as much time to think, you just have to talk…but I guess I should stop coming up with reasons why you were more quiet...or more reserved, is probably a better way to say it. I will shut up and just wait for you to reply, yeah that sounds good. Shutting up…NOW. Can’t wait to hear from you…ok Shutting up now…NOW. Byeeee Jakie…thinking of you. Oh and I’m thinking about going to visit my grandparents in Oxford pretty soon, soooo, maybe we can get together again. Ok now I’m shutting up lol. 

Sincerely Jamie

12/22/1997 

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Dear Jake

Heeyyy Jakie, totally fine, totally fine, just checking in…haven’t heard from you. I know its only been like 2 days since my last email, but I don’t know, I guess I expected to hear from you by now. Especially since when we were together you just, kinda left. I mean you left me that note saying you had an emergency and had to go, and I totally get it….but, you could've woken me up, to say goodbye. I’m a pretty light sleeper actually so I’m not sure how I didn’t hear you leave, but anyway, I just…I hope everything is ok...with the emergency, I mean. Please email me or call me back. Please. Have a good Christmas, Jake. 

Sincerely Jamie,

12/24/1997

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Dear Jake

I guess you’re reeeaalllly busy for the holidays? Huh? I could have sworn you said you weren’t doing much, but not sure why you’re not responding…so I guess you’re just really preoccupied with a lot of…stuff? Maybe the emergency that made you leave in the middle of the night, without saying goodbye? I don't know.

The number you gave me isn’t working anymore? Did I save it wrong or something. I mean it worked before we met up. Okay. Merry Christmas. Again. Hopefully I hear from you before the New Year…but if not, Happy New Year…This really doesn’t feel good, Jake. I need to hear from you. 

Sincerely Jamie,

12/27/1997

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Dear Jake

What is going on? I haven’t heard from you in almost a month. This is like my 6th email to you with no reply. I’m starting to really worry here. It isn’t like you to just not respond. Were you really that freaked out by me saying, I love you that night after we made love, or had sex or whatever you wanna call it. It doesn’t mean that we have to get married or anything. I think I was just really emotional, I don’t know. We connected so deeply by email and even more in person and it was my first time, so I think I was just probably really excited or something, I..I don’t know. I read that sometimes people’s first times can be filled with a lot of emotions, so that’s probably what happened to me. Like I said, no obligation, I just want to continue getting to know you and see where this goes. Okay? No pressure. No pressure at all, I promise. Or…if, you…don’t want to be together anymore, like at all, then okay. I…I get it. Just let me know and I’ll leave you alone. Will you just please email me back so at least I know you’re okay…This is insane. 

Sincerely Jamie,

1/25/1998

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Dear Jake,

I’m pregnant.

Jamie

2/20/98

What happened to Jake?

• He forgot to pay his AOL email subscription! He'll be back!
• I told her not 2 go! She got played! He's gone with the wind
• He got injured during his emergency, he's incapacitated!
• Who cares about Jake! Did Jamie just say she's pregnant!