Jake & Jamie Part 6

Dear Jake,

I went to see your parents. In Mississippi. They weren’t that hard to find. Like you said, you were a “big deal” in your small hometown of Oxford. The high school baseball star. Full scholarship, predicted to be one of the greatest…until tragedy hit. 

I guess I should start from the beginning huh?…When you didn’t answer any of my emails, especially after I told you that I was pregnant. I did some research and figured out where your parents lived and I flew to Oxford. They were…interesting. They showed me so many pictures of you, your face hasn’t changed, one bit. They told me all about your childhood, although their version is quite different from what you’ve told me. You only have one sibling, Jake…your brother, Darrell. Your twin brother, Darrell. Not “Irish twins” like you claimed, actual twins. And you guys are pretty well off. You said you ate PB&Js and ramen, because money was so tight. Jake do you even know what ramen is? I highly doubt that because I’ve spent the last several hours sitting in the “east-wing” living room, in the mansion you grew up in. Was anything you’ve told me the truth?

They told me about your girlfriend, or should I say, your fiancé that you were so secretive about, “He was so in love with her, but no matter how much we tried, he wouldn’t tell us who she was.” Your mom said sweetly. 

Mrs. Dawson, the doting mother. “I promise mom, I’ll tell you who she is when we get married after graduation. It will all make sense, just trust me.” You promised her. But that didn’t happen. Did it? You didn’t keep your promise. 

They told me about what happened. How you and your twin got into a car accident. I did see that in one article, ‘Local boy, star baseball player injured in fatal car crash…Baseball career over…” blah, blah, blah. What the article failed to mention, was the fact that you were driving and you were drunk. Your dad filled me in on that part. He’s a really kind and sweet man, you must take after your mother. You see your mom left us sitting there in the east wing living room, she left to get us some tea, and your dad, well, he had a lot to say. 

“My boy, I couldn’t save my boy, my sweet boys,” Mr. Dawson cries.

“What do you mean, you couldn’t save them?” I replied. 

“Jake, he promised he wasn’t drinking anymore. He promised me he stopped. Especially after…” Mr. Dawson says, still crying.

“The article mentioned they got into a fatal car accident, but Mr. Dawson, what happened?” I said.

“My boy, my sweet boys. Darrell died. He died in the accident. Jake was driving. He was drinking…again. He promised me he stopped drinking, I made him promise me, especially after…” Mr. Dawson says sobbing.

“He promised you he would stop drinking ‘especially after,’ after what Mr. Dawson” I questioned. 

“The little girl. She was so little. He killed her.” Mr. Dawson continues to sob.

“Little girl? What little girl?” I say confused. 

“The little girl with the yellow dress. He was driving and drinking. He snuck out in the middle of the night and he hit her. He killed her. She was so little.” Mr. Dawson says, “We covered it up. I didn’t want to, but my wife…‘This will ruin his life. It was an accident. She’s dead and there’s nothing we can do about it now. Why ruin two lives. He’s our son. We have to protect him’” Mr. Dawson explains. 

“Your wife, made you cover it up?” I say slowly.

“She was so little. There was so much blood on the car. We got rid of it. ‘We have to protect our son’ She kept saying, ‘We have to protect our son, this will ruin his life’” Mr. Dawson says almost trance-like. 

“Who was, she?” I ask cautiously. 

“Lilly.” Mr. Dawson said quietly.

“Lilly?” Mrs. Dawson says walking back into the living room, “What’s this I hear?”

I knew I couldn’t say anything to her, the look on your dad’s face told me that much. 

“You know Jamie, my poor husband has dementia, sometimes he says things that aren’t exactly…based in reality. He gets things mixed up all the time. Lilly, was his...aunt, she passed away.” Mrs. Dawson says, slowly pouring our tea, never taking her eyes off me.

I nodded. 

Lilly. My Lilly? In one of your emails you said, “The yellow dress she’s wearing…” But Jake, I never told you what color dress she was wearing. So how did you know? How else could you have known unless…unless it was you. Unless, it was you this whole time. You killed my Lilly. You killed...my sister. 

I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t breathe. “Umm, excuse me, but would it be okay if I had a look at Jake’s room, I think it would really help the article I’m writing, it would give me a real sense of who he was?” I said to your mom trying to hold back the tears that were trying to betray me. Yeah, I didn’t tell them who I really was, I was going to, but as soon as your mom opened the door, I just heard myself say, “Hi, I’m Jamie, I’m writing an article about your son’s old baseball team and I wanted to see if I could get some details from you, since he was the star, Jake’s going to be the focal point of the article”. I guess your mom was so flattered that someone wanted to write an article about her darling son that she didn’t bother to question why someone would be writing an article about an old high school baseball team. 

“Uhh, I don’t think so,” Mrs. Dawson says, “We don’t really go...in there.”

“Oh let the girl have a look. It’s about time someone go in there,” Mr. Dawson says looking at me carefully, “I know it will make that article she’s writing so much better if she got to look around at Jake's room. I’m sure she will leave everything as is. Won’t you dear?”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out, so I just nodded, yes. Your mother led me to your room and as soon as she closed the door, I fell on the floor and burst into silent tears. Putting my hand over my mouth to muffle my screams. I laid on the floor crying and that’s when I saw it…this little box under your dresser…and inside a journal. Your journal. A journal that would reveal more truth than I could handle. 

****

Jake's journal entry:

August 1972

I used to hate that mom’s shrink made me write in this journal, “its so stupid” I would complain, but now I write almost everyday. It’s been awhile, its been insane these last few months, but I’m glad I’m finally getting to write. I can’t believe Darrell saw us, we’ve been so careful this who time. Melissa and I were in the woods and we were arguing, again. I thought I could trust her, I mean we were going to get married at the end of this year, if I couldn’t tell her the truth, how were we going to make it? So I told her what happened all those years ago. How I got drunk the summer before high school and took a dare to take my dad’s car for a joy ride and I crashed the car. I didn’t tell her I hit anyone, but she figured it out quickly. 

“Wait, did you kill Lilly, Jake? Tell me? That was the same summer she was killed! Was that you? Is that why your dad got a new car that same summer?” Melissa screamed. 

“Shut up Melissa! Someone will hear you!” I snapped. 

“Oh my God, it was you. You killed her. Jake she was only 5 years old. The whole town was so shaken up. No one knows what happened, but this whole time it was you.” Melissa cries, “You have to go to the police. You have to go to the police.” 

“Melissa, shut up, stop screaming. She just came out of no where okay. What was a little girl doing out in the middle of the night anyway?” I screamed back at her. “Go to the police? Are you crazy? That was years ago. I’m not going to ruin my life for something that happened so long ago. I’m going to Arizona state to play baseball!” 

“Baseball?...I don’t even know who you are," Melissa said calmly, "If you don’t go to the police, then I will,”

Something in her voice told me she meant what she said. I’m not really sure what happened after that, but next thing I know Melissa is laying on the ground, blood pouring from her head, and I’m standing over her. 

“Jake what did you do!” Darrell screams.

I look down at my hands and see a rock.

“Jake what did you do?” Darrell says again rushing to Melissa. He’s touching her neck and shaking her, “Ms. Ross? Ms. Ross? Are you okay?” Darell says shaking Melissa harder. “She’s dead. She’s dead, Jake,” Darrell says his whole body trembling. “Jake why were you here in the woods with Ms. Ross? She’s our high school teacher, what the heck were you doing out here with her? Jake answer me!” 

Darrell was freaking out asking me all these questions. But I just stood there, frozen. I guess I was in shock or something. I guess you could say that’s when my life really took a turn for the worst…Like a domino effect…everything came crashing down and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Turns out Darrell followed me after I refused to tell him where I was going, he lost me in the woods but eventually found me just as I hit Melissa in the head with the rock. He told me that when he instructed me to run home and he would ‘take care of everything,' I just stood there and didn’t move. He said he had to physically push me so I would leave. Of course, I don’t remember any of this…That Monday when the substitute teacher, Ms. Stone walked in the classroom that’s when the reality hit. Melissa was really gone. Then a few weeks later, the principle came to tell us that they found Melissa’s body in the woods in some ravine, some "hiking accident," they said. I asked Darrell what he did, but he wouldn’t tell me, only kept saying, “I took care of it”.  He was different after that. And if that wasn’t enough, I guess they did an autopsy because few months later we all found out Melissa was 5 months pregnant. How could she not tell me she was pregnant with my baby? She knew how much I wanted to be a father.

Once it came out that Melissa was pregnant, Darrell really started spiraling. He just couldn’t keep his cool. He was already struggling with what he did…what I did. But when he found out she was pregnant, he couldn’t take it anymore and he wanted to “turn himself in”. Turn us in. He says he would only confess to his part, but of course they would figure the rest out, eventually. They would figure out it was me who killed her and our baby. They would’ve probably turned it into some tale that I didn’t want to ruin my bright future with a baby, but they would have been completely wrong, but that’s how it would have appeared. No one would have believed me. Believed how much I loved her, believed that we fell in love the moment we saw each other in the hallway my 10th grade year. I wanted to scream it from the rooftops but Melissa said no one would understand our love. They would say it was “inappropriate,” so we had to keep it a secret until I turned 18. So we did. I didn’t tell anyone. Not even my best friend, my twin. Keeping that secret from him was so hard, because before then we told each other everything.

But now I was on my own. I really don’t see how mom would be able to use our money and influence to cover this one up. Not like last time. I love my brother, but I just couldn’t let him ruin my life. Not after everything I had been through, everything I had overcome. So, I did what I had to do. I told him we were going to drive to the police station to confess, but instead I drove the car straight into a tree, right before we crashed, I unbuckled Darrell’s seatbelt. He went through the windshield. He died instantly, they said. He didn’t suffer. I told my parents I was drinking and it wasn’t my fault, that it was an accident. But I wasn’t drinking, I only said because I knew they would help me, like last time. And, they did. They made sure the police ruled it an accident without any further investigation. “Can’t you see what this has done to our family already. Leave my son alone and stop asking him so many questions, he’s just a kid and he just loss his twin brother. Leave him alone. The Sheriff, our really good friend, can question Jake when Jake is ready to answer questions,” mom said in the hospital that day. I can always count on mom. Everything was going to plan, but after the police left, the doctor came back into the room, “I’m so sorry to tell you this son, but the MRI came back, its not simply a broken arm, you have multiple ligament tears in your shoulder and elbow. I’m sorry son, but the chances of you ever playing baseball at a professional level are…” I didn’t hear anything after that…just heard my mom and dad crying in the a distance. My life was ruined. 

I love you Darrell. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I killed you, my best friend, I’m sorry but I just couldn’t let you ruin my life, but in the end…I ruined it myself. What sick irony. 

This feels good. Finally getting it all out. Thanks for always keeping all my secrets safe. And I know you’ll keep this one too…in my last journal entry. 

****

“Mr. and Mrs. Dawson, thank you so much for your hospitality, I just have one more question.” I said as I came downstairs and found your parents in the living room where I left them. “Where can I find Jake? The last thing I could find was about the accident, but where is he now? Is he still in Mississippi?”

“Oh dear,” Mr. Dawson says. He looks at his wife then back at me, “Jake, he…”

“What is this really about?” Mrs. Dawson says sharply, the nice and sweet tone gone without a trace.

“What do you mean?” I ask, “I just think that, if I could hear from Jake himself and get a direct quote for my article, it would be better,” I say slowly realizing how ridiculous that sounds as soon as the words leave my mouth.

“I won’t ask you again,” Mrs. Dawson says taking a step closer towards me, “You’re not writing an article. What are you doing here? Who are you? Are you some reporter?” 

“No, I’m not a reporter,” I say. I take a deep breath and try to explain, “I’m sorry, its just, I met Jake and now I’m looking for him. I really need to talk to him. It’s okay that he lied about his age, I just have something really important that I need to talk to him about.”

“You met him?” Mrs. Dawson says slowly, “How old are you?”

“22,” I say, “Look I promise, I don’t mean any trouble, I just need to talk to him, it’s really important. I know he’s always wanted kids and I’m pregnant.” I blurt out before I could stop myself.

“Pregnant? What does that have to do with my Jake?” Mrs. Dawson snaps. 

“He’s the father,” I whisper. 

“He’s the father?” Mrs. Dawson repeats laughing hysterically, “That’s a new one. Look, you can go try your con on someone else. Now get out of my house!” 

I just stood there, I couldn’t move. Tears slowly falling down my eyes.

“I said get out of my house!” Mrs. Dawson screamed again.

“Dear, please stop screaming, I’ll take care of it,” Mr. Dawson says leading your mom away to another room.

He comes back a few minutes later, and I’m standing there in the same spot, still unable to move…

“Jamie, please, tell me what’s really going on. Why did you come here?” Mr. Dawson asks quietly. “I don’t know why I told you all those things before but all these years it’s been weighing so heavily on me…maybe if we made him take responsibility the first time, maybe Darrell would still be alive and maybe…”

“Where is he?” I hear myself ask.

“Jamie,” Mr. Dawson says sadly.

“Where is he?” I say again sternly.

Your dad didn’t say another word, he just took my hand and led me to the back yard and pointed at the ground. “We found him in Darrell’s room few days after the accident. The gun was still in his hand. There wasn't a note, but we knew why. He blamed himself for the accident that killed his brother and ruined his baseball career. My wife couldn’t handle the town knowing that we had lost two sons in such horrific ways, so we buried him right there. She tells everyone that he left for university aboard, and at some point, people stopped asking questions. My wife is very convincing.” Mr. Dawson explains. 

I don’t understand. 

How can I be standing over your grave? How could you have killed yourself in 1972 after the accident? Years before I was even born. If you’re dead and you’ve been dead for over 20 years, who have I been speaking to all those weeks? How did we spend that time together? How did...we make love? You said you wanted to leave a legacy. To never be forgotten. You said having kids would be the way you could leave a piece of you here, after you’ve gone. “The thought of leaving this earth without offspring is unimaginable to me”…That’s what you said. 

But you’re dead. You’ve been dead. You’ve been dead this whole time. So what has been growing inside of me for the last 7 months? 

Jamie

7/25/98

THE END.

Who did Jamie get involved with?

• Jake, the not-so-friendly ghost!
• Umm...I don't have a blue's clue!
• What the heck did I just read?